


Same Time, Different Face

by Oak_Leaf



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bodyswap, Crack, Gen, Spoilers for RQG168, does it count as crack if canon did it first?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:00:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26290771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oak_Leaf/pseuds/Oak_Leaf
Summary: What if the bodyswap had gone a little bit differently?
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	Same Time, Different Face

“Who are you?”

“Well, you tell me,” said Earhart. Or, well, “Earhart”.

“This is Captain Earhart’s body,” Hamid-in-Azu replied cautiously, “but I’m not sure who might be inside it?”

“Earhart’s’” grinned broadened, and recognition struck Hamid like lightning. And he knew precisely who he was speaking to.

“Well,” Wilde-in-Earhart said. “This will certainly be interesting.”

Hamid thought, _Oh, dear_.

And then.

Siggif woke up again, still in Hamid’s body. He saw his hands again, still draconic and scaly. “I think ’m g'nna be sick,” Siggif muttered, before turning to the edge of the cage and making good on his word.

It was not a flattering sight, watching yourself vomit into a corner. Watching your body vomit, anyway. Hamid felt his own stomach churn, in sympathy or disgust or maybe embarassment as it brought back memories of his early adventuring days.

And then.

There was a susurrus of scales, and Skraak’s voice calling out, “Right, what’s the situat–” before the voice stopped. Then a thump. When Hamid turned to look, Skraak had disengaged from the pile of sleeping kobods only to have dropped back down to the floor a step away. They–whoever is in Skraak’s body–sat there, staring down at themself. Eyes wide, wide, wide. Their mouth moved, but any words were too low for Hamid to catch.

Cel swooped down to kneel at their side. “Hey, little–hey there, hey. How you feeling? I know things are probably really confusing right now, so just, uh, bear with me a moment.” They explained the body swap, more succinctly than Hamid was used to from Cel. They wrapped up by gesturing behind them and said, “So the body that looks like Azu is actually Hamid right now, and what looks like Hamid losing his breakfast is actually Siggif, and what looks like Meerk over there patting him on the back is actually Azu, and Captain Earhart is Mister Wilde–”

The kobold head snapped up and their eyes scanned the room before landing where Oscar stood beside Hamid. Their pupils narrowing to slits. “Would you mind repeating that. Who, specifically, did you say is in my body?”

 _Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear_. Hamid was starting to get a headache. This would not end well.

“I take it you’re Captain Earhart, then?” he hazarded a guess.

“Yes,” Earhart snapped. She scrambled to her feet with difficulty, unused to Skraak’s tail and thrown off balanced by it. Cel offered her a hand, helping her to her feet and steadying her. “Now get that dragon-loving bastard out of my body and put me back.”

“Well,” Cel began, “it’s not so simple as that. We don’t really know yet–”

“I don’t care, figure it out,” Earhart ordered. “You’re an alchemist,” she jabbed a claw towards Cel. “And you’re an arcanist,” another towards Hamid. “So figure–it–out, and switch us back.”

“We’ll do our best,” Cel placated. “But really, it’s–going to take time, and we’ll really need to wake the others up and check in on Mister Smith and–and the integrity of the rest of the vessel, because while you were out the wild magic apparently fused the elementals with objects aboard the ship, and there’s really no telling what lasting effects–”

“When the captain gives you an order,” Earhart raised her voice, “you obey it. And I am ordering you to switch me back first thing.”

Hamid stepped forward and said, “I think what we need to do is calm down–”

“I will not stay in _this_ ,” Earhart snarled. “And I will not have _him_ in my body.”

And then.

At that point that Oscar, who had blessedly stayed quiet throughout the exchange, chose to pipe up.

“I agree,” he said innocently. “I really ought to have bought you dinner first.”

The noise Captain Earhart let out could only be described as a growl. She launched herself at Wilde.

What she intended to do, Hamid wasn’t sure. But there was a ferocity on her face paired with Skraak’s claws and teeth, and, well. Hamid panicked. Remembering the hug earlier that had scooped Azu clear off the ground, he reached down and put his hands around Oscar’s small gnomish torso, and lifted. Oscar went up into the air, grabbing at Hamid’s hands as he made a noise of surprise. His feet dangled over Earhart’s head where she lunged up at him.

“Hey, hey, whoa there!” Cel reached over and caught Earhart by the arms. “That’s not going to help anything!”

“Captain, we’re all just a little stressed from the situation. Oscar didn’t mean to upset you, I’m sure. Right, Oscar?”

Oscar peered down. “I assure you I had nothing but the purest intentions.”

Earhart snarled.

“Okay,” Cel said. “We all just need to calm down. So, you and I can go sit over there, and Hamid will take him way, way over there, and we’ll all just breathe, okay?”

Earhart glared up at Oscar for a moment. “Fine.” She shrugged off Cel’s hand and marched to the far corner of the Cel near where Friedrich and Siggif’s bodies still slept.

“Well, then,” Oscar said. “Hamid, if you don’t mind.” He tugged at one of Hamid’s wrists and wiggled.

“Oh! Of course, sorry.” Hamid set him down delicately.

Wilde gave him a wry look. “I never knew you had it in you to sweep me off my feet.”

Hamid rolled his eyes.

And then.

They noticed that Wilde’s body was no longer curled up when he had gone to sleep. And was instead on the opposite side of the room, knelt over Carter’s sleeping body. And going through his pockets.

“What are earth are you doing?” Oscar strode over and put a hand on their shoulder.

Oscar’s body jumped. “Aaah! Oh, gods. You can see me? How did you do that?”

Hamid blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I don’t know how being a spirit would work. I assumed I’d be invisible.”

“You thought you were dead?” Wilde raised an eyebrow.

“Well, yes, obviously. How else do you explain the fact I’m standing over my own corpse?” He scoffed.

Instantly, Oscar’s face soured. “You’re Carter.”

“Of course I am. You said you could see me.”

“Then, pray tell, what were you doing to your supposed corpse?”

“Looting,” Carter replied, as if it were the most obvious thing.

The rest of the group exchanged a glance.

“Look,” Carter said, crossing his arms defensively. “I have good tools, and good knives, and–well not a lot of valuables, but I have nice things. And I found my corpse, I’d loot it. And I _did_ find my corpse, so why would I leave all my stuff for one of you to take? I don’t know what I need in the afterlife! Being dead is very new to me.”

“You’re not dead, Carter,” Azu told him. “The wild magic made us switch bodies.”

“Oh.” He laughed. “Well, that’s certainly better than being dead. All right, then. Who did I switch bodies with?”

“It’s not–it’s not an exchange, exactly,” Cel spoke up. “It’s more like, say, your soul is a piece of paper. And you took all our little pieces of paper souls, and you folded them up, and the tossed them into a hat, and you shook that around a bit, and then we–our bodies–all pulled different paper souls out of the hat at random.”

“You’re in Oscar’s body. We’ll have to wait and see who wound up in yours,” Hamid supplied. He pointed around the room explaining who was who now.

“Huh. You know, it could be worse. Hang on, if I’m Wilde then–” He struck a pose and lidded his eyes. “Oh, look at me, I’m Oscar Wilde! I’m aloof and sexy and rude to Howard Carter for no reason and I have trauma!”

Oscar scowled. He murmured something under his breath, and then looked startled when a scarlet mage hand appeared beside Carter. Then, Oscar gestured and the mage hand moved to pinch Carter, who yelped and jumped.

When Oscar turned to the others, it was with a smirk. He announced, “The good news is that I can cast magic again. The even better news is that we may have finally found a pair of shackles our good friend Mr. Carter won’t be slithering his way out of.”

“What? Aw, but that means I can’t do any magic,” Carter said.

“You couldn’t do magic before, Carter,” Azu reminded him.

“Yes, but that was in my body, I don’t know what I can do in Wilde’s body. I could have had fun.”

“Let’s not do anything in anyone’s body!” Hamid raised his voice. “Let’s all just be patient until the others wake up, and then we try to understand what has happened.”

Siggif raised his hand. “Can I throw up again?”

“Ew, yes. Just use a bucket this time.”

Siggif nodded and went to look for a bucket. As Oscar began casting prestidigitation on himself, and the others gathered around Cel, Hamid sighed. He had just woken up, and already, he felt tired to his bones.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not happy with this fic but it has a shelf-life of exactly five days now, so here you go.


End file.
